Heroes. It was laughable given her own situation. She didn't want to admit what plagued her mind. It didn't scare her, but she knew it wasn't right. It was further out, darker than she recalled ever being. Because even in her own way, she played it off to be worse than it was. But this would feel more like she was the boy calling wolf. No one understood what was going on in her head, what urges she held, and just how far she could go with them. There was so much that wasn't understood or known about her, especially in a handful of past years. It wasn't as if she disappeared from the edge of the world, but there was so much not given. Nothing spoken of, as she handled her own life. Her pride being a source of this, but also not wanting to be a burden. It was her life and if anyone was going to pull it together, it needed to be her. Especially after everything she had grown through in her own youth.
It was part of that bond that held her to her best friend. A meaning, a sense of peace, as if she could do no wrong. There was no judgement or worry. No threat of anything, except to others outside of her. Everything was laid within reach, no cares about what demons were out there. Nothing had to be hidden, but it was understood. There was consideration there, where others just threw it by. Claims, rather than gave it. She was used to being let down. It was done left and right. Beginning at an early age, when it was noticeable that she wasn't like the other children. She didn't want to be like everyone else. All those girls that ran around giggling and doing their hair for attention. If she was going to do these things, it was going to be for herself. No one else. There was a draw in for a real conversation. A different type of joking. A love for subjects that went beyond the superficial. She wanted more and it was a rare thing for anyone to give that to her.
Personality shifted, trials and tribulations of her own to take upon. A life of suffering and pain, where she hadn't before. Nothing that she wanted or asked for. She didn't pride herself on sadness and misery. She prided herself on being able to bring it to the table of anyone that hurt her. Anger took the place of pain, but she bottled it down, moved on with life and did what she could with what she had. But nothing ever became better from it. The bottled anger was always leaving her on edge. It left her preparing to blow, snap judgments and flying fists that followed her mouth running. That was, only if her mouth opened at all. Because the moment there was a swing, there was no stopping. She was a fighter and she wasn't going to stop, she wouldn't just accept her fate.
It felt like another influx in a personality shift, but this wasn't because of those school-aged years. This wasn't due to the insanity that came from growing up as a pre-teen or teenager. She was twenty-eight years old. There was no midlife crisis to go through. Men could have those. Maturity had been taken into account far too many years ago. Held onto and nailed down, firmly in her own grasp. What was this outpouring of emotions, other than having to deal with so much at once? She knew how to handle a large stress load. Nothing like this, with strange abilities that made her feel like some alien in her own body.
Rachel couldn't concentrate. The world felt as if it were fuzzy. Some static electricity surrounding her or maybe it was all in her head. As to having all of this energy around her. But she wasn't taking into account her surroundings. Alone in a room, she was left to her own devices, while the director was dealing with a problem. It wasn't one that didn't happen now and then. Not the most common of issues, but not everyone was prepared for death and the expense that came with it. If anything, it was looked at like renters insurance. Something to pass off believing that it was the least likely issue to come up. Passed off in not spending that extra five or ten dollars, twenty or thirty. Rachel knew how that could be, to need the money, but some just didn't hold a real excuse.
It felt as if someone was shouting in her ear. Screaming words but there was no one. Eyes clenched, she cringed, holding her hands to her ears with no avail. It was more than one person, but it took time to figure this out. Too many people, and it was more than the sounds that were coming from the other room. These ones in her head were close to deafening, but not there.
'Just stop. Please stop. You're embarrassing me. Oh God. No. Just stop! John! Why do you always have to do this? I need to get out of here.'
'Why won't they listen? Trying to rip us off. Car salesmen shit over the dead. They should be ashamed of themselves. This mother fucking asshole. Trying to pull one over on her like that. There's no way it costs that much just to cremate.'
'I bet he abuses her. Brother and sister, my ass. Who does this guy think he is? Could he just sit down already? I should just call the cops and have him escorted off the property.'
Closing in on the entrance to the office, Rachel walked in. Nothing stopped, not even time, which she was thankful for. Maybe she held a better level of control than she thought. These people all just needed to stop and sit down. Her head was hurting too much from this and her feelings bubbling beneath the surface. The anger that laid there, as she moved to speak. To tell them all to calm down and not so nicely shut all of their damn mouths. No words would come.
Everything stopped, paused, as that feeling came over her. Something was pulling itself out of her, freeing itself. Or was she the one doing this? There was no telling in this moment of shock. The wind may as well have been knocked out of her, but it wasn't. She was still breathing, the whole world moving on its own. But it happened so fast, so quick that she didn't see it rise from above her. The dark figure that rose out of her, unnoticed by the arguing group in front of her, as it slammed down upon them. Another sort of psychic energy knocking them all unconscious. The darkness pulled away, reaching back into her. Her soul self.
Still in a state of shock, she watched them drop like bowling pins. Falling flat down on the floor beneath them. One narrowly missed the desk. Breathing was quick as her mouth fell slightly ajar. A new life, as she stood there, unsure of what just happened. What did she do now? This wasn't supposed to happen. Swallowing, she rushed over to the closest person and checked their vitals. At least she moved into quick action, finding that they were still breathing and their pulse was still there. Each one checked, she didn't know how long this would last. She feared for the worst, but what if they had seen her? What if she was pointed at.
Sitting down on the floor, she hugged her own knees before lying on the floor. She would be one of them. It would all be alright. Rachel would just have nap time and then let them assume whatever. It made sense. She was willing to let anyone assume anything. Why did she have to be the one telling anyone anything? This was her life now and she needed to figure enough out. More just kept piling up on her.
Everything about her felt uptight, that worry set in. Turning down the thermostat when she came in, a throw wrapped around her. The television going, but her eyes staring at nothing. Blurred images as everything just continued to be relived in her head. Images, the memories, trying to make sense of it all. She knew the pieces, what it felt like, but she didn't understand what it was that happened or how. That was what made this terrifying. It felt like her soul just came from her body. Yes, that had happened before, but she wasn't so sure it was just that. Some apparition of whatever life that was still alive and breathing. For all she knew it was all in her head, even though others saw it. Something to do with receiving thoughts, giving them instead. All in the form that was seen. That it allowed her to go further. To blend it all together with her other abilities. But this time was different. It was harsher, grim, another type of powerful reality. The unexpected toppling the unexpected.
All of her concentration landed her into another view. It was one that went between her and the television. The kind that she could see here and now. The past again, wanting to know more about what she was missing. But there was a portion missing. A block of time that she wasn't able to find. Not that she was experienced with this, but it was one of those things that came upon her. It may as well have rushed at her. The way her thoughts ran and raced. To know the past meant understanding what was going on, or so she hoped, because the future was full of possibilities. The set one that they were on, it didn't necessarily mean it was the right one. This is what she tried to tell herself, but in truth, the future was more to fear than the past. The unknown, the unexpected, the only part of it certain above all others was death. Death she could handle, but none of the rest. Death she could see beyond, as if it were just another person lying there cold, soulless, asleep. Eyes closed, features paled in comparison.
Her vision becoming clear as she bothered to regard more than the wishful static that was set there now. A bag of chips within reach, she barely plucked one out without even turning to it. A habit, food, a comfort. But it wasn't one taken lightly. She could get lost in her own thoughts and the end of that bag could come on either attempt. There was no new knowledge on what it was with the black birds. Ravens or crows. She liked them, even the significance, but the why was left lost on her. Nothing showed anything, other than a repeat of the experience itself. What happened, not why. Had it been her real soul that left her and did this? Was it hers, after she had been told of a past life? This seemed ludicrous. It was all insane, but she couldn't argue as much. There had to be some of an open mind, because how else did this all come true? She was so sure that there was more of an evil though, in the depths of her given how her mind was. The darker means in which it drove within days or weeks time. The change that was ever present for her to see, even if not everyone caught it.
Intensity, it all pushed at her. The want, the desires, to make them real and satiate the worst of her. It would be so easy, to even just reach through time and take what she wanted. To have it all, to make it easy. But her mind always reeled right back. There was still that overwhelming desire to gain answers, to change things to make them better. If not for herself, to give herself up for him. That he would have something better. They all might. It wasn't seen as a good thing to her. No good deed, just the right one to take. To steer away from herself and for that empowerment. For that lack of what should be there.
Between the darkness, the thoughts and desires, the driving wants that could lead to her own sense of madness, and the willingness of her own soul to depart from her body and do things to others. To hear thoughts, understand people and see things on another level, she was more prone to believe that she was the furthest thing from a hero. Grimm. Like her outlook on life. She could very well be death itself and no one would be any wiser. She was strange enough and there was never a want to change. Even with whatever abilities held fast to her, she wanted to be done with it all. To be left alone and not have to deal with what was to come. Because it would. There would be more slots that she couldn't reach. More time that would be lost as far as those weeks she couldn't see.
The person she would be then, she knew nothing of. She couldn't even see to know that anything was any different. The person she was here, the memories she did hold and whatever dream-like state of the memories? The pieces that came to more than just abilities and throwing up everywhere. The sickness that befell upon her worse than anything she could have ever recall handling. But this was the state of her own mind and as much as she willed it away, waving off the vision of time that she held. There was little to be said or done by any of it. She just needed to calm herself, to ignore it all and forget. To move on with what was left of her life here and now. This was how things were now.