Not fully awake, here she was taking in scents that shouldn't be ones to wake up to. A feeling beneath her that was not her bed. She didn't want to move, but there was something all too uncomfortable about this position. The fatigue that she had been coping with now setting in. More sleep was still necessary, even as she turned her body, a yawn forced out, eyes still closed, leaving her there before finally looking up. Whatever she was looking at, it had to be a dream. That or she was back to the fact that this was all really just a dream. Stuck in her own psychosis or the like, because she had to be a vegetable. Living through a dream because she was not quite brain dead yet. Just lying in a hospital bed instead of staring at the remains of another dimension.
Where is this? What are we doing here? The voice in her head, it nearly started her more than the sight. Conversations like this one, it had been more muted with everything that had happened. And the way both of them fought to be, there was a quiet take over by whomever could just dominate in the heat of the moment. A blending of thoughts, as neither would simply give up or give way to what was going on. No answer was given, continued to be muted, much the way they had before.
This wasn't just any other dimension, but a home she recalled. A place where she was raised and held memories of her mother, of her parents, of her own heritage. A place in time where the world meant something different to her. How to reign in her emotions, because her abilities meant much more than all of this. Because others recognized what she didn't, but, in her own defense, she was so young. There was only so much anyone could do at that stage in life, without guidance. And that was why she was there, to gain guidance.
You really are a demon, aren't you? I figured I was going to hell, but not for the same reasons. If only she could laugh at this. It should be funny, somehow. But which one should be laughing over any of this? There was a pang in her chest over all of it. She couldn't just hold all of these issues. Instead she was stuck with one inside of her too, judging her, mocking her. And it wasn't as if anyone wa going to realize the internal conversation.
She stood to her feet, unable to move, unable to feel. There was no anger, no sadness, no hope. She may as well had been looking into the future. The way that things had turned out, they couldn't be what would. Not where she was, not how things were. Whatever the reason she was here now, and in this body, why they were all here. It had to be in an effort to stop something like this. Because this is what people like them were made for. As much as she wanted to understand, to find a better shot at guidance, she knew that wasn't going to happen. Not with the way things were here. People and places, it wasn't like home. It just held a feeling similar to one.
What are you here to do, to accomplish? We shouldn't be here. This was an all too real truth. They shouldn't, but she hadn't meant to. It just happened. Her own abiilties and knowledge, she was still learning and relearning how everything worked here. How this all worked out given how things had turned out before. You don't understand.
Her eyes closed a moment, one that felt like forever but hardly lasted anything near that. To recall the sound of voices she did care for. To remember what she was taught and how to use that here. The absence of emotion. That was what she was supposed to commit to. Nothing was to get to her, because that was how her abilities became more powerful. There was a direct link and her father could use that to his own benefit. That half-demon in her that could just grow on its own. She recalled those memories too. All of these things that she needed, was wishing she could have reached out and taken grasp of that first time here. To much emotion had hit her, too many powers. But now, she felt more herself. She just wasn't herself.
Tim would be back. She was going to believe this to be true. Dick was here, Garr, Kori. No matter what happened, even though they couldn't help her, she had this much for now. At least in the part about being knowledgeable and not making her want to remove heads while angry. But these were urges and they weren't to be bothered with. This wasn't her. She wasn't the one with this want and drive. She needed to separate and take note of what was. There needed to be an understanding so that she could better cope and handle everything in this hand she had been dealt.
Opening her eyes finally, she took in the view with new eyes. The landscape that haunted her memories and would continue to do so. The way she had fallen for claims of protection and that everything would be fine. This wouldn't be her again. People wouldn't suffer over this or like this. She would stop it before it started, and where she failed, she could heal again. To pull souls back to where they belonged.
In a flash, she was home. Back to her packed boxes and another view. Walls holding her into a smaller place. The sharp pressure at the side of her temple, as she winced from the pain, but otherwise didn't allow any of it to show. Her small frame standing there, unmoving, untouched outside of the dirt that she had woken up with on her. All from lying on the ground. She needed to stop waking up in positions like this. At leas she was able to teleport home and not into someone's bathroom. If anything, she'll never again think about bathrooms after the moment she woke up. She wanted to shudder over that.
Thinking of as much, she did actually need to go in there and clean herself up. Instead of just using her abilities, she walked there. Her own feet, without a second thought to run through her mind. Deadpanned expression on her face as she made it there, only to stare at her own reflection. Purple, almost indigo colored lenses. Her eyes, they held another color. It was noticed before, but it had not been the type of change she expected. It was so unnatural with her here, yet not. It created an issue of causing attention to herself. Where she could hide her powers, she couldn't randomly hide an eye color change that shouldn't be. If anything, it would mean there was a need to go and buy herself brown colored contacts. Did people really get brown ones? What if she couldn't find her old color? This was going to get annoying fast.
Looking down, she began to dust herself off, but it only added to the smearing in some spots. Water being turned on at the faucet, to attempt to pull the rest in together. "You really know how to get yourself into trouble. At this rate, you'll start calling yourself Asher." Just another reason to want to shudder.
But there it was, even as she lie there trying to piece together everything that she could recall, there was that blip on her phone. The blinking light telling her that there was a message. A worry, but not quite a fear of who and why. There shouldn't have been one there, but there had been this overwhelming feeling that stuck to her through whatever change had come. One that was there beforehand, and she didn't know why and couldn't just shake it.
Taking her phone, it wasn't anything out of the usual, except that she didn't recall leaving those comments or questions. And to hold an answer to them, it seemed as though she wasn't the only one. Rachel let it be though, didn't question what that was about. She didn't understand it enough herself to even begin to try and explain it. This was the best she could do. Follow suit in pretending this life was a normal one. The kind that she could just continue to speak of different dimensions and Charmed. All while internally wanting to do nothing but scream and rip things apart. The reasons the dark pulled away from her, practically leaking as if there had been a spill at her feet. A puddle of it all while uncertainty brewed within the depths of her.
Her phone, she checked it for anything abnormal, that followed suit with her head now. What she did find was a conversation with a co-worker that didn't hold any sense and she had to lean back. This didn't make anymore sense than what she was currently dealing with in her own mind. It was so different, so random. What was it with the elderly people and complaining? Nothing she did was good enough, if that was what someone was going to complain about. But her eyes were brown, not purple. Were they blind? This couldn't be real, right?
Getting up and walking away, she went to get herself a glass of water. Her mouth was parched, but that wasn't the reason for it. She needed something to do, to touch, to reach out for to make herself feel that she were still on some decent side of sanity. That somethings were real, no matter what. A distraction or a hope. Anything that she could get a hold of. All while she noticed a random paper. It was folded up with her own name on it. Looking around her own apartment, her eyes went wide.
No one was here but her. Why would there be any such note like this. It made her revert back to that time her mother had left her one. That letter just before she left. To let Rachel know she wasn't coming back and why. That very same letter that she couldn't bring herself to open and read, even after over ten years now. Stranger enough, it was in her own handwriting. What was this all about and why would this be here? Had she left herself a letter from the future or the past? Because she could do that now, but why would she? It didn't feel right. She had opted out of dealing with this or being this person. There were too many things that could go wrong. She didn't want to hurt him, to even think or imagine doing so.
Lifting it right into her own hands, she pulled the corners apart carefully. There was no point in accidentally tearing it apart. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
Dear Rachel,This message will not self destruct. You are not going to change your past or future. No I did not say this because I am from the past or the future. This is not a bad joke. I could go on and on about what this isn't, but I couldn't tell you what it is. I just know that you are unable to handle the pressures that come with these powers and I know exactly how that is. I want to help where I can, but I am but here a week, and its that time where you cannot see. Another week has flashed by and you are no more closer to the truth about all of this than I am. Not that it is all up to you, but this is something that needed to be looked at as more than you being some vegetable lying in a hospital bed.
You need to get a grip on your emotions and I have done my part on this. As best as I could. I'm not entirely sure why or where you picked up these specific ones. But there is nothing in the past that is there for you and the future is a hopeful place, ever changing. I know that you have come to terms with this, but not completely. It is one of those thoughts that get stuck in your head because of my soul-self. There is a lot there to understand. More than will ever come from one letter.
I am Rachel as well, but I am also Raven. Your friends seem to be more like you, experiencing what you are. You have seen that, but it goes deeper than that. More than Doug knows, but probably realizes. I don't know why or what happened to Devin. He's fine, but at the same time, this didn't happen to him like it had others. I didn't reach out to anyone else after I found out that he hadn't.
You are on the right path to dealing with everything. Meditation is a good key to use to unlock a great many needs to be addressed. Bottling up emotions can be dangerous. More than first realized. Everything must be dealt with or worse things, worse impacts are more likely to happen. The end of the world type of scenario. No one wants this and it is tried and true.
There are other needs to be addressed and items to help with what you are experiencing, but I cannot just give them to you. I don't know how to get a hold of it all and I have been in search. you have to find a way to overcome not your worst fears but your darkest desires. Those thoughts that you have, they are you. They are me too, but not in the same light or darkness. Whatever insanity plea you are attempting to strike up now. And above all else, it will be alright. Everything will turn out. You are not alone.