Emotions. They were never what were to be trusted. They held no special vantage point in which anyone could really garner truth and understanding. Emotions were a weakness, irrational and the least simple in discerning. They changed opinions and personal truths for the sake of a feeling. Decision making at its worst all because of this. Fear or panic were never things that came to her easily, because she could rationalize what was going on around her. It was simple, because life only worked one way. But the moment that all of that was pulled away, she no longer held this ability. Emotions had thrown her, pushed and pulled her in varying directions. Nothing made sense, because past lives didn't work like this. There was no reason in the world that a person, a regular human being should ever have powers or abilities as she had gained.

All things that she no longer wanted to speak of. If need be, she may end up lying or garnishing the truth now. To no longer have to worry about what someone might think or say. Because she didn't want to be that person. Where the few that did know didn't think she was insane for having these abilities, no one could help her the way she needed. And above all else, she wasn't sure that she wanted the help. There was a way that Devin helped her, more than just to calm her. The way that he threw around ideas with her, helping her figure out what may or may not work. Possibilities and probabilities. These were what she could work with, even when it amused her that he brought up some underlying contradiction she believed to be true. It was all a system of checks and balances. With the way all of this had been going on for over a month now, she knew there had to be more here. More to learn and understand so that she could figure this entire dilemma out on her own.

If everything was wrong, something had to be right. Her life was her life and the only thing she ever did want was a normal one. That kind that you could see, not on television or in movies, but the one out there in the real world. It didn't require people, but to be able to reach out and not feel alone. To know that there are people out there with similar issues and that this life was real, that mattered.

Steps had been taken, a change in perception undertaken. She was going to be in control and without being so incredibly tired all of the time. These were the problems. Control. Fatigue. Vulnerability. She was going to change these. Problems held solutions and emotions were not the key that she thought they were. The way everything reacted to them, it twas a clue in but not the way she was supposed to go. Maintaining true control, happened without emotion. The absence of it muted much of what could happen, but not all of it. The meditation helped. The clarity that came about, the troubled necessity that was passable as other components. After today, she would find that she needed more.

Much like that first week, the one where she held little to no memory of, the one where she later ended up going to Las Vegas. Here she was, gaining abilities, powers, just like before. More pouring through, as if they had been thrown at her violently. A barrage of changes in her life, prepared to push her to gain this needed control. The problem was that she was never about to expect how. Why did this always happen? Why was it with her?

she was gloomy. raven pops up. black and capes. POWERFUL. she had a crazy evil dad. i remember that one. kind of anti-social but not? ugh, bear with me.

The words weren't going to be forgotten, even where they were only brought up a couple of weeks prior. Where there were things she could easily forget, this stuck with her. The unknown that logic couldn't settle right with. Not beyond the belief that none of this was real.

Rachel had been doing so well. All day. It was enough that she actually believed she could handle going in for some time today. To work, because she was needed. Here she was, standing there, having to deal with the irrationality that was her anger. The way that it came pouring through, looking for a direction to rush against the world. It was in the most simplistic form. There was no one at fault, just the person on the phone from another office that she didn't want to deal with. All but slamming the phone, she felt sick. Something felt wrong beneath the surface of the skin. She didn't know or understand what was going on, but enough that she headed for the bathroom. No one saw what she saw. No one else had been able to watch what she watched.

Standing there, her entire world changed again, shifted, as certain words began to make more sense. About why she had these thoughts that poured into her mind, urges that she shouldn't be having. A sense of self lost to whatever this was that much more. Because in the mirror of that bathroom, as she locked it behind her, she saw something more.

Flesh running the color of a toxic carrot before finding more of a rouge tint to it. Bright, glowing eyes that held more than just the two. Over her forehead, another set opened, as if they had been there all this time. Ears pointy. Her entire body shifting into this thing. Some evil looking being with sharp teeth and her nails. It was all wrong. Whatever she was, it was what that dad was. Whatever she questioned she might have been from her own father.

Raven hair flowing around her, down and without care as she stared at herself. Falling back against the door, she couldn't even bring herself to step towards the mirror. She wanted to give up on everything at that point. She couldn't tell anyone about this. They would fear her or hate her for what she was. Accepting someone for who they were was all fine and dandy, but in the end, who wanted to be around a demon? A monster? Who knew what else she would come into like this? What else could she do with other people's souls? Because this explanation, it made things worse but better. She understood her place in life now and it hurt. That was the feeling she had now. Hurt, pain, loss. It was all here and she could define it. Rationalize everything that was going on with herself, now that she knew that these things were real. She was the monster that hid under her own bed, she was the monster that hid in her own closet. Rachel was the trouble in her own life.

Staring at the tile floor, she may as well have been giving a silent goodbye to her life, the way it once was. That place where she held hope of getting back to. The idea of control meaning she could just turn back and go be who she was and do what she used to. To be this person that she had always been. But now, she was feeling less and less like that were a possibility. Because this was what she was. This thing that she needed to learn to control too. This wasn't the person she wanted to be.

A knock came on the door, startling her from her own spot. The quiet, but sharp intake of breath, as she pushed herself away from the door in that same instant. Darkness pooling around her feet, having been previously unnoticed. "You okay in there?" The words held their own touch of concern, but she couldn't speak with this ball of emotion sitting in her throat. What was there to say? To do? She was a monster in the bathroom. What if she began to want or need some random act for feeding time here? At least it wouldn't be corpses? That would be all kind of unsanitary, even though she at least held the right job for it. Was her dad like this too? In the prisons? The world just became a scarier place. But he was far enough away that she wasn't going to allow herself to think about him. The fact that Father's Day had come around Sunday, it didn't mean she was going to sit around and waste her time on him.

Clearing her throat, she tried to cough. As forced as necessary, only to come up with a raspy sound. "Yeah, just need a few." Closest she could think of in the moment, but it didn't matter, as she closed in slowly. Eyes capturing her form again, as she stared in the mirror, inching towards it, as if to see that this were real. None of this were just a dream, the way she had wanted. Hoped, even. This was another life.

Long fingernails tapped against the glass as she reached out to touch her own reflection. Turning then to look at her hand, the red hued flesh there, nearly taunting her with how real this all was. Whether this was some true form or another kind, it didn't matter, she needed it gone. There had only been a few instances of dealing with random issues with her powers, but it was more when she was alone than anything. Her ability to focus and clear her mind lax as she held too many questions. Directions and uses of what all of this could do or mean. But not now. She needed to breathe and let this go. To ignore it and go home when she was supposed to. This was today's bump in the road. There couldn't be too many more. She could make it through this.