It was already 2008 and it wasn't anything like she was expecting it to be. There was an ease about everything with him. There was less of that feeling she held, that grew over the past few years. The feeling that left her feeling as if she were skating by life somehow without being a part of it or anything else. To not hide in places that were crowded, aggravating herself, just to not be alone. As much as she was drawn to being that person, it wasn't the same. She couldn't find her place. Giving up on her father, coming to the sad realization that all he bothered with her for through bars was for the sake of care packages. With her mother gone, all they did was argue or her passively nodding her head. College was over. There was more loss than gain in her life, and the unexpected had finally brought another turn.
A time in life where everyone went their separate ways. Finding their own places in life, what to be, how to be it. That entire draw in of using those skills they were taught over the course of these past twenty something years. She hadn't realized her own emotions, how bad things were getting with herself. How much of an easy target she stood out to be. What level of manipulation and smooth talking would lull her into a sense of ease. Later, she could blame herself or claim it was all his fault. In the end, none of it would matter. It was all loss and gain, gain and loss.
It was a planned adventure, one she wanted to take before any of this ever happened. she just hadn't told anyone about it. All of it coming off more random than anything. She had to get out of the area. It didn't matter how many rejected collect calls she gained from her father, how many letters that poured in, but it was getting to the point that he would pull favors. Other people that she didn't know calling, sending their own letters, or showing up at her door. People finding her even after she went through the motions to get rid of him. Finally wash her hands of the mess he still held over her head. She was the reason he was there. He could have had more time, to come up with something or a better lawyer, as if she were to know. How he could have beat the system if she would have just sat down and never answered the door. If she would have moved him or lied for him. There was no middle ground for her. She disliked cops and crooks. Shouldn't that cover everyone, in the end?
Sitting in a bar with a near deadly look tossed in the direction of anyone that tested trying to venture giving her eye contact. A few drinks toyed with and slowly taken in. His confidence had first been a turn off, his looks nothing to write home about. He was older than her, and it showed. Those small creases edging around his eyes, even there on his cheeks giving way to dimples as he smiled. Introducing himself to her, as if she cared or wanted him to sit there next to her. The eye rolls that followed, and even her prepared to get out of her seat and walk away, it did nothing to deter. He sought her out and wasn't about to just allow her to walk away without believing this could go somewhere.
A hand on her forearm, she was all too prepared to skewer with the toothpick from her drink. But as she looked up, there it was. She wanted to believe it was all a game. Some different manipulation tactic, but she could have sworn she saw something in earnest. If she was going to have a weakness, that was going to be moved to the top of her list. At the time, that's what she wanted, craved. It was becoming a need. More people to be straight with her. She didn't know anyone here. It was the distance that called out to her. An adventure that she could have, and maybe it would keep.
Rachel didn't go with him straight away. There was time taken to get to know one another, because she realized just how this could turn out. Him being some maniac that just wanted to chop her body into bites and pieces and scatter them across the ocean believing to feed his pet sharks. There was an uncomfortability about it all. Weeks, months talking and spending time with one another. The next thing she knows, she's accepting offers she thought no was the only reasonable answer to. Laughing at lame jokes, as if she had to. Pretending to have a life that she wasn't used to. All while being someone that was wanted and not herself.
The wind was blowing against her face, pushing her hair back, pushing her back gently. She wouldn't fall though. The sight ahead made her feel as if she were living in a movie. Playing a part, but not as if she were really there. Just watching it all on a screen that held no boundaries. Real life didn't feel real. He was always there, watching her from behind her. She could feel the eyes, the presence, but chose to ignore it, just as if she were in a coffee house or sitting in the park. A choice book in hand, just taking in the feel of the sunshine, but never being part of it. Movies were never a comparison to the book. No hardcover needed, the feel of the pages splayed within her grasp. Fingertips mauling over words that felt more of a home than the one she held now.
The smell of the ocean was different here. It could have been how far they were out or more to do with the boat. She had no idea. This wasn't her thing. This wasn't what she did, even back home. The man wasn't a stranger, and yet he was. She was. None of this felt right, but here she was anyway. Taking it for all it was actually worth. People were all about living and whatever that meant. Maybe this was supposed to be the way that she was to. Her place. That spot in the world, her corner and niche. It wasn't all so bad. It was beautiful, but she wasn't wanting to be part of the scenery and felt like just that. Not a memory, just a piece to whatever was left in the heart of someone with the means to make all of this happen.
She was a book of her own. Her story being not only written, but unfolding here and now. Pages pushed and forced down by the wind, just as much as her hair had been. Tendrils whipping around her face, unsure of what to do with themselves and without the ability to fight it all. A cover lying on her that didn't describe her the way it ought to. Minor details without any sort of depth to it. Never being the superficial one, here she was finding the draw to it. Her own thoughts in conversation unheeded, unlike those first nights. Those weeks of trying to get her to come on this trip.
Naivety being striped more and more, shedding to be dropped into the waves surrounding them. Pulled down into its depths through the undertow. She just wouldn't know just yet. Instead, she would learn from this. The soft smile that came as her thoughts moved towards darker ideas. More so with how to toss him overboard and get away with the boat. She needed to learn how to run one of these herself. There was no other way.
One argument, it was all that it took. Her anger getting the best of her. Balled fists, she nearly took a swing at him. So close, but not close enough. An arm going up and grasping hers. Her next move wasn't as quick as his. She hadn't been prepared for any of this. It felt like she was hit with a stack of bricks, but it was only a hand to her face. The shock and pain had her left paused, but she wasn't going to stop. Not after the look she saw on his face. Where she didn't hold a whole lot of experience in most types of relationships, she understood the fundamentals and the fact that she wasn't about to be treated this way. Worse, she could feel it. This was going to leave a mark. How was she supposed to hide this, let alone her pride?
To hell with all of it. His hand still held her arm and her free hand was still liable to do some damage. He was taller, so she could not use her knee. But her free fist, it went straight for his groin. As hard and as quick as she could muster. She saw nothing but anger, that look on his face. It might as well have been in slow motion. A sick sort of satisfaction there as she not only felt contact but heard it. The way his features contorted, with his own surprise taken by all of it. There was no way she was about to lay down and accept such a thing. There were few times in life where she was. Fewer people. He was not one of them, no matter what he thought. Unmerited arrogance. What was so special about him? Money? He could have it.
The moment she was released, eyes wild and angry, his face was close enough for that last hit. She took it, without a thought. She took it and she would never look back on that moment negatively. If anything, it was a place to take pride. She took down a piece of shit that wasn't worth his weight in feathers. A slew of spanish words poured out of her, ones that she had forgotten she even recalled. The words of her mother, and it caused her to bite her tongue. Her fist hurt, that would be swollen later too. Damn the man for causing her any sort of pain at all.
She thought to take off her heels and lodge one into the side of his skull, but instead turned and walked out the door with them on. Hand still in pain, holding it to herself as she continued to curse. A ponytail whipping behind her as he called out to her to come back. Unfinished business and whatever else he could think of. The apologies heard as she slammed the door behind her. But not before she was able to flip him off without even a glance back in his direction. She could get home on her own, she would. This was one of those skills, a talent. A direction her life had known for far too long. To move and pick up somewhere else. A new start because she wasn't so worthless that someone like him was going to treat her like that. She wasn't so lost that she needed anyone to play this part anymore. Her cup just ran over.
Days went by, even weeks. Calls, messages left. Letters left at the door. Every now and then the neighbors complained of a man banging at her door at some random hour of the night. Flowers sent, gifts dropped at her door and returned. The rest ignored. Cover up barely keeping the bruising from being too noticeable, sick leave taken for when it wasn't.
It hadn't taken two weeks, and there was a car left for her. Not her color, but she wasn't bothered by it. A new car was a new car. Hand running over the hood as she walked around it. A plan molding into her mind as she thought about just what to do with this. He hit her, she wasn't stupid. The look he gave her when he did it, he enjoyed it and was liable to do it again. But she wanted payback. She wanted him to really suffer. As he came into view, looking pleased with himself, the victor of whatever this dance was. Let him figure her to be so superficial. She enjoyed the fact that he didn't actually know her. It made this so much easier. A soft smile shifted, as she bit her bottom lip.
Time she had, playing the part, content to see it all through. A year later since the beginning of all of this. There were other women. Not a surprise, but the one that was had to do with him being married. Real, true to life, married. A woman that lived in Florida. Along with a teenage son up in New York. Everything made so much more sense on how he met her. What he was really doing that night. The trips to specific areas, and how it was all set up. The expected juggle, it was understood and she didn't care. A means of use, until the point of abuse.
Taking the trip, she was set to meet this woman. To speak to her directly. If worse came to worse, she held all the proof she needed. Photos of him, her, them. Each so purposeful, while he was so careful about where and how he took any. Some light rain, she held her umbrella tight. The humidity choosing to cling, for as warm as it was out. Whatever she had suffered, she was going to have her payback. It would be sweet and no one was going to take it from her. Without complication or care. And just as it would be through, just as he would see that sick look of satisfaction she would mirror from his past transgression, she would make it worse. The information about his son that he didn't know about. From there, it was a simple enough moment to slink off, back into the world where he found her. Never to be seen again, as he could only have wished he had left well enough alone.
The sound of her heels clicking against the pavement, knowing full well that he couldn't do one thing to her. Not after this. He was the one with so much here to lose and he lost it. All as simple as the weak woman that he married needing to be given that helping hand. To move out when he wasn't there. To leave him alone with whomever he could reach out to there. But the questions that would come of it, especially when other photos were threatened to end up at his job.
This was why she preferred her line of work. The living, they did whatever they wanted. Stepped on people, mistreated them, took what they wanted. Even some mourners were just the same. Fighting over someone's assets. Everything was more peaceful when everyone was gone, and everything was empty. A place to have respect. With that same respect, nothing like this would have ever happened. It wasn't as if she expected this to last forever, but she was now released from it. A real smile tugging at the corners of her lips and an extra sway to her step.
